Above you, Beyond me

(Source: brotips)

(Source: thisssisthelifeee, via sweetstorybro)

saturnonhisknees:

teratophilia:

Luie

Accurate.

(Source: takethatthomas, via taketimewithlucyandopenyourmind)

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this is one of those nights.  really, thank you.

jules4president:

studsandpeaches:

She’s perfect

People are so gullible it kills me. This is a shopped version of a beautiful shot, those are not her tits.

(Source: shamelessphotos)

jules4president:

Nearly all of my female friends continuously slut-shames other girls (or even themselves), and it makes want to pull my fucking hair out in frustration. I’ve tried to explain that by supporting the notion that it’s ok to devalue and call a woman a ‘slut’ or ‘whore’ if she sleeps with who she wants…

(Source: mysterywavves)

those same thoughts that use to utterly haunt me and send me spiralling into depression have come back.  I’d completely forgotten about them to be honest. I’ve been really trying to improve my life and move step at a time away from depression until it’s miles behind.  I’d moved so far on that I’d forgotten some of the detail.  But here they are, coursing all over my mind like hairline fractures.  And it hurts.

I’d forgotten about that unique, physical side to depression.  There’s a kind of lethargy very specific to depression.  A tiredness, a hopeless induced tiredness.  I’m anaemic, but it’s not the same.  It’s being emotionally and mentally overwhelmed and scared, and run down.

I think it’s this bloody weather, in part.  I don’t like the summer.  Summer’s have usually been boring at best and harrowing at worst.  And with SA, going outside is the worst.  There’re people all around.  I feel claustrophobic, and pressured to be happy and have things to do like everyone else seemingly does.  I feel pressured to have barbecues and spend days lazing about on the grass almost constantly with all the amazing friends that I don’t have.  Then I feel like an utter failure for not having these things and never having had these things and a fear that the future will be as bleak and lonely as it feels it often has been.  

That I go off on tangents.  I start questioning whether or not I’m ultimately alone.  One summer I had an ‘existential crisis’. I concluded that life was ultimately meaningless.  That I’d been dealt an initial bad hand in life, that however hard I tried and over came my problems it would never be enough, that life was ultimately meaningless and nothing I could do could overcome that.

And the sun makes me feel like there’s a massive spotlight on me and I’m exposed to the whole world.  I like autumn and spring best.  Winter and the summer are my Achilles heel.  

I’m thinking and worrying about all kinds of things and I need to talk to my counsellor, but she’s away for 3 weeks.  I think what’s brought this on is the summer, stress over coursework and alcohol induced anti-social behaviour at a social.

I went to see a doctor today though, not my usual one as he was fully booked and today was his last day for 3 weeks too because of the holidays.  I saw a different one and it was nice talking to someone about some of this stuff.  She reassured me that sleeping problems, depression, alcohol and SA were very common and could be overcome.  I asked her if she was lying and she convincingly said no.  I hope she isn’t just a good actor.  I believed her.